breaking away.

Well, spring break is just about here. And I'm very much ready for it. I had two essays due a day apart from each other, but thankfully they're finished, and after that the only serious thing I have to do is take a quiz in Media Arts (which will be easy, but I still have to do it) and practice memorizing my recitation for Ways of Knowing.

But while I'm finishing many things, I think I'll still be left worrying over spring break. My grandfather was just put into hospice after going to the hospital a couple days ago. His kidneys have completely shut down, and he has congestive heart failure. I didn't realize the seriousness of it at first when my mom called me Sunday night. So on Monday I wrote him a card, saying that he'll get better soon and that the doctors will do all they can to help him. But now I find out there is nothing left to do but wait for him to die.

Yet there's one thing I absolutely want to do before he goes, and that's to give him a phone call. It's making me anxious that whenever I am finally able to get a hold of him, it'll be too late. I never realized how little of him I saw. My family only made it to Florida a handful of times. So now I'm left, like with my grandmother who passed away not too long ago, that my relationship with my grandparents is very distant, and it hurts.

My dad is going to try and fly to Florida this weekend, and he hopes he won't be too late. And I'm worried I won't be able to make his funeral either. It crushed me that I couldn't come to my Grandma Harriet's, since it was so close to Christmas, and my parents just had enough to buy plane tickets for themselves. But I'm still not sure how much of a possibility it'd be. The economy has not been kind to my family.

I at the very least want to send my personal good byes through phone. That's as much as I can do. Because I think the last time I was on the phone with him, he was telling me how slow the traffic lights were around the hospital he goes too. And I really hope he gets my card too, because I wrote a joke he'd probably like. That was one thing we did when I was about 8. I told him a joke, and he would always remind me of it when I was on the phone with him.

But it seems like my father hasn't been handing the phone over to Matt and me in the later years for some reason. They used to be more lively when we were young. You almost think they would remain 80 years old for the rest of your life. But my grandpa is 89. And he has lived a full life. My Grandma Lydia is 91, and she might be gone before I even finish college.

It makes me realize my own mortality, because the next oldest people I know are my parents, and how soon will they go? My dad will be 62 in May, and my mom just turned 55.

One thing I will make sure of for my children is that they have a good relationship with their grandparents. Because I wish I had a better one with mine.